Mothering (and Grandmothering) From Afar

We tried so hard while raising our children to teach them to be independent, contributing and generous adults. We wanted them to have the life skills that would allow them to pursue their dreams, the compassion to reach out to others whose needs may be small or large, and to live honest, upright lives. Like just about every other parent we know. So should we be complaining that our children live between 850and 6,200 miles away from us? This, of course, means that our grandchildren live between 850 and 6,200 miles away from us too. Didn’t we encourage their independent choices? Are we not pleased and proud of the opportunities they have sought and the achievements that have come their way? Yes, definitely yes.

But how does the mother in me reconcile the deep yearning to drop everything to go help daughter #2 who is sick beyond being able to even move, and who’s oldest of 3 is also sick? How do I keep from boarding the next plane when daughter #4 calls, too sick and miserable to even fix herself a cup of broth or tea? Daughters and daughters-in-law who are alone with children while husbands are gone on business for days, even weeks - how I would love to go and help/play with them. And then there’s the baptism of grandson #2 in far-off Korea; basketball and soccer games, piano and dance recitals, birthday celebrations. And the list goes on and on and on. And yet another call yesterday from daughter #1, and I sense that she is crying for her momma too – and she is – she needs me to hold her hand on the ski lift.