This past week I was able to travel again to SLC, this time for my aunt's funeral. Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Duane always made being in their home a treat, and I am grateful for the many wonderful memories I have of times shared with them. Most holiday celebrations ended at their home where we would eat delicious food, the kids would play, and the grown-ups would sit in the living room talking. I loved to hang out listening to their stories. Summertime meant stuffing my face with the best cherries from their trees and swimming at Uncle Duane's company pool. Everyone was always unconditionally welcomed in their home, but watch out if a game of Spoons got underway - Aunt Phyllis was a card shark!
My cousin Debbie wrote the following tribute for her mother, and since I believe it perfectly describes my beautiful and classy aunt I am sharing it without additional comment.
"If you knew my mother, Phyllis, very well, then you all have one thing in common. She loved you. My mother, coming from a family of 13, was happiest when surrounded by people. And she loved the people in her life.
"If you are my sweet, handsome father, she loved you most of all. Near the end, you were the one person she consistently remembered, and you could almost always make her smile.
"If you are one of my brothers, she loved you completely and unconditionally. She knew you were the smartest and most handsome boys in all the world. She wanted to be sure you never felt more or less special than the others (even though Kevin really was the favorite).
"If you are one of her daughters-in-law, you count yourself blessed that you ended up with a mother-in-law no one would ever joke about – a woman who loved you and your children as much as she loved her son – and showed it constantly. If you were her new son-in-law, you’d be sad you didn’t have much time with her when she was her complete lovely self, but you’ll know how happy she was that her daughter finally met the man of her dreams.
"If you are one of her eight grandchildren (or grandchildren-in-law) or two great-grandchildren, then you know she was the best grandmother in the history of grandmothers. The second you arrived, she’d drop everything just for you. She taught you to sew and paint, she read to you, danced with you, and listened to you. She went to your games and dance recitals and made it clear she thought you were the smartest and nicest child she knew.
"If you are her brother or sister, then you will know she loved each one of you so much. She loved spending time with you. She also felt as close to some of her sisters and brothers-in-law as she did to her own family and friends. She told many wonderful stories about her childhood, which she thought was mostly magical. There were tough times and tragedy there, but both my parents’ stories of adventures and running wild were a highlight of our childhood.
"If you are one of her nieces or nephews, you will also know she loved you, your company, your families, and hearing about everyone’s life.
"If you are one of her friends, she loved you and appreciated you more than you might know. Her book group was one of the highlights of her life. Exchanging ideas and dreams with you enriched her life beyond measure. She thought you were an amazingly interesting and talented group of women.
"If you are her neighbor, then she loved you too and valued your friendship. I remember visiting and answering the door to a neighbor kid who wanted to know if Phyllis or Duane could play. Although she did not attend the local church, my parents’ visiting teachers were especially welcome and my parents appreciated their company and friendship.
"And I’d like to tell you how my mother has loved me.
"She gave me a love of books and reading – up until last year she read every single day. She took us to the library every other week and read to us until we wanted to read for ourselves.
"She gave us a great sense of humor – a sense of the absurd – that my brothers and I share. She and I often laughed so hard we ached.
"She taught me to cook and appreciate good food and dislike fast and processed food. I will miss her gravy, Swedish cream wafers, chicken and dumplings, and pie crust – and I could go on and on.
"Every Saturday morning we all did household chores before we went out to play. And even if I chose bathroom cleaning, I still didn’t have to clean my brother’s bathroom (thanks, mom).
"She taught me to knit, crochet, and embroider. Some of you may remember the exquisite clothing I wore as a child. In school I was the most fashionable student, wearing mini-skirts a year ahead of anyone else. We spent hours picking out patterns and shopping for fabric (and eating lunch). Many of the quilts and embroidered pieces she made are works of art.
"She gave me a strong sense of beauty. When my parents were newly married and broke, she took art classes and upholstery classes and when everyone’s house was brown and beige, hers was full of color and art. She could make $1 look like $1,000. If you moved her into a shack, it would be clean, cozy, and ready for a magazine cover by the end of the week. We discovered garage sales, thrift stores, and antique stores together. She taught me, and many others, that a home should reflect the person living there, that the cost of something has nothing to do with its value, and that you should figure out what you like, not what prevailing fashion dictates.
"She taught me the more people you love and the more things you’re interested in, the more enjoyable your life will be – that the more people and things you include, the richer your life and the more people and things you exclude, the poorer your life. She taught me that being spiritual doesn’t always equal being religious.
"My mother taught me to be an independent liberal feminist, how to live a good life, how to be kind and helpful, how to laugh. She gave me an appreciation for books, beauty, fairness, and how to figure out what you want. She taught me it is important to be successful, but it is more important to have a successful life – meaning a life where you are happy and productive, but your choices are correct for you, not for someone else’s idea of success.
"Thanks Ma. We celebrate your lovely life."
